My Serious Sickness

半个多月没有更新博客了,好几个朋友都觉得奇怪,问我是不是很忙.我说也不忙,只是觉得没什么东西好写的.
可事实上,这平静的半个多月远不是表面上那么平淡,在我的心里,正经历着一场惊涛骇浪的改变和重生,羞愧,赎罪,喜乐,感恩,在这段时间是如此强烈地冲击我的心灵. 每天祷告的时候,常常会感动到流泪,因神给我如此的大爱,我不配得到的全都给了我.半个多月我都不敢写些什么,因为不知道如何描述,生怕因自己的无知和狂妄爱表现亵渎主我的神.现在我仍然不敢写也不知道该如何去荣耀他,所能做的就是每日祷告,求主考验我,陪我一同经历和成长.
今天在英语课上读了我的一篇作文,两位英文老师张妈妈和jenny都是基督徒,她们很为我高兴,把张妈妈给弄哭了,她说她明白我所说的一切感受,说怪不得她最近总是感觉到我有改变,总是觉得在我身上发生了些什么,今天终于知道原来是上帝在为我做了工.jenny说我应该把这篇作文保存好,几年以后或者在需要的时候拿出来看看,这是见证我已经上了了解上帝的路.所以我将这篇作文记录在博客中.我又何德何能使人家为了我而感动和开心?我知道这是上帝因为听到我的忏悔和信心,他在为我欢喜快乐,从他儿女的口中说出,眼中流出,让我知道.

主说:"寻找的,必寻见." 你在寻找吗?


During this whole week, I found myself wanting not write this article, because in my memory, I have never had any serious sicknesses. I am lucky I have a healthy body. Sometimes I have caught a cold or had a headache, but it was soon to turn better. So I thought maybe I could omit this homework, I have kept the same thinking until yesterday, and now I have something to tell you about that happened to me.

I had a silent-war with myhusband for the last three days, we didn't talk to each other. I was very upset, and so was he. But you know in this case, no one wants to be the first to break the dead lock. Yesterday afternoon he went outside without saying one word to me. I was so angry and didn't know what I could do to change his manner. I had no idea. Then I thought maybe it would be useful to pray to God, I would ask him to show me what I could do to get my husband to say sorry to me.

I began to pray, not knowing how much time had passed. Then I began to cry, very loudly and began feeling ashamed. Because I remembered a lot of things I had done in my past days. I never exactly believed in God. I always forgot him when I was in happy times, I always thought I could do everything by myself, but when I was hurt by someone, I always doubted the truth of God's love, I had made many many mistakes. I was so pround and conceited that I always tried to control or change the other people or things. I felt so bad, but I understood that God loved me all the time, he would never give up on me. I felt so guilty that I couldn't face God. I cried very sadly.

Maybe I couldn't describe that feeling very well, but I knew the feeling was so real and this was my first time to pray and confess to God. I will never forget it forever.

Then I begged God to forgive me, I completely wanted to believe in God, I depended on God to tell me what I could do, I prayed to God to guide my life.

Finally I knew, my serious sickness was not in my body, it was in my spirit. The further I went from God, the more serious the sickness became. And I knew when I prayed to God, this was the time God treated my sickness.

Later, my husband cameback, I didn't know what had happened to him, but he came to me, pulled my hand warmly and smiled, he let me sit beside him and gave me a big pizza to eat. That was the way he said sorry to me.

The first thing I wanted to do was to thank God, I knew that God made everything change.